Stop Yelling At The Kids Already!

Stop Yelling at the Kids Already! Let’s keep calm.

Stop yelling at the kids already! Let’s keep calm.

We’re in the thick of it. Right now, is the epitome of busy season. I say that using present tense; but, we all know the reality of motherhood. It’s been like this for years and it’ll probably never stop.  Present. Past. Future. We spin our wheels, adding more and more to the agenda. Little toddler is yanking at our clothes while tiny baby is spilling juice all over the danged carpet. Then, the explosion. Seconds after, we find ourselves wishing we could stop yelling at the kids, already. Well mamas,  let’s keep calm. This post is here to help. Together, we will overview a few methods and perspectives about why we’re even yelling in the first place.

Please note: This post contains some affiliate links. I am compensated if you make a purchase using my affiliate links. 

To begin, let’s talk about grace.

We are human. Additionally, we’re imperfect. Ok, tell me something that’s NOT so obvious. Well, mom that is suffering from burnout,  did you know that mom guilt is all in your thoughts? Do you have any clue, that you were made for something better; and, it’s time to learn about power of grace?

You see, without mercy, we fall short. And, when we fall short, we worry. It’s THAT apprehension, and anxiety, that blocks us from being who we were really meant to be. It prevents us from momming to the fullest and down right shuts down our potential. The result… we are not clear thinkers and when an activating event occurs, our first instinct is to scream. It’s important that we get a grip on those types of situations so we can stop yelling at our children.

How To Stop Yelling At The Kids
How To Stop Yelling At The Kids

Next, put your thoughts into action.

So, let’s pause and ask some logical questions.

  • Why am I yelling?
  • Will yelling give a different result than if I talked in a normal tone?
  • Would my child be impacted negatively?
  • Was the negative impact worth the result?

When things start to feel a little tense, it’s time to take a breather. Go into the other room and make a mental assessment. I’m a huge disbeliever of multitasking and when I start feeling the pressure, it’s mainly because too much is going on. Parents, you really have to inquire within your soul if all the things you are trying to accomplish need to be accomplished right that moment. Are you aiming for peace, presence, or perfection?

Third, ask for help.

It goes without saying, our hands are full. I write an entire newsletter about it. Hence, there is nothing wrong about asking for help. Sometimes, to stop yelling at the kids, all we need is a little mom self care, and a get away. Of all the habits I had to learn, this was the hardest. I used to struggle with asking for help; but now, I make it a routine. This has nothing to do about incompetency or laziness. This is strictly the acceptance that we, no matter what works we do, cannot save ourselves.

Thus, don’t forget to be verbal about the little things. We teach our children not to fear, and to use assertion in their voices… dear mom, you NEED to do the SAME. Speak up when you could use a hand, because, as said earlier they are full.

Last, to stop yelling at your kids, let’s break it down in steps.

It’s time to review everything we just talked about. With that being said, here’s a short and sweet list of steps to help you stop yelling at your kids, once and for all.

  1. Assess the situation.
  2. Use grace to shift your tone.
  3. Take a breather.
  4. Ask for help.
  5. Determine if you want peace, presence, or perfection.

In conclusion, thank you for reading this post. Although it is blatantly clear that no one has the right to judge you, we REALLY want you to walk away with that. We are all moms. We have ALL yelled. Our mission, as a site, is to provide encouragement and be a resource that advocates positivity for mothers. (Read more about us here) Thus, if you decide to comment below, please stick to these principles.

As always, when your hands are full, live your life to the fullest.

Sincerely,

Fullest Mom

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32 comments

  • Amber

    I love this. “Was the negative impact worth the result?” That’s something I definitely try to remember as a teacher (my son is still a baby and hasn’t really made me yell yet.) Young children only hang on to a couple of memories, and so I always ask myself “Do I want THIS to be one of the only memories they have?” and it helps me take a step back and a deep breath.

    Amber
    • Post authorFullestMom

      LOVE your comments. Teaching is a huge change in dynamics; and I personally, have to give recognition to all the teachers out there. You guys love and care for our children like they were your own. I’m glad you are so dedicated to the field and hold our little ones with such high regard. Excellent question: Do I want THIS to be one of the only memories they have?

      FullestMom
  • Stefani @ Crafty Christian

    I definitely struggle with yelling, and I think I’ve been getting better at it. So many times when it happens, it’s a reaction to something that I haven’t had time to think about first. The biggest thing I need to work on is thinking first before reacting.

    Stefani @ Crafty Christian
    • Post authorFullestMom

      Thank you for your comment mama. I want to say majority of all parents are in the same boat. It stems from the same thing, time to process. I’ve found that, when things start to get a little tense, if I recognize I’m about to have an activating event I can pause the quickness of the reaction. I purposefully redirect my thoughts and say, ” I’m having a trigger. I am getting mad because… Even though I’m mad, I’m not mad enough to yell. I can solve this by… ” I used to talk aloud because it was a way to have one thought at a time. The more I practiced it, the less I needed to actually say aloud. I am in no way perfect. Just wanted to share because I used to yell for the same reasons.

      FullestMom
  • Susan Croox

    Good reminder! I like to think that I don’t yell that much, but even once is too much!

    Susan Croox
    • Post authorFullestMom

      We are all human. I honestly think that having conscious and consideration go a long way. You are graceful, dear mama. Bless you.

      FullestMom
  • Krystal

    I’ve been trying to be mindful about this lately. It can be a struggle sometimes. I have to remember there is usually a reason they are acting out.

    Krystal
    • Post authorFullestMom

      That is true. Kids usually do things for a reason. The number one thing I’ve heard and experienced in yelling is time to process. It happens so quickly that the yell comes out of the parent’s mouth quicker than they can stop it. Being mindful is step one! If you know an activating event is occurring, you are more likely to pause. Pausing allows time to think and process. Thank you for your comment. Take care.

      FullestMom
  • Julie S. @ Fab Working Mom Life

    Asking for help is so wonderful and yet so difficult to do sometimes. Great tips. Definitely the grace part.

    Julie S. @ Fab Working Mom Life
    • Post authorFullestMom

      Thank you, Julie. Grace has gotten us farther than any of the tips combined. Help can be little things. And even, not always from grown ups. Something as simple as asking your child to participate in the clean up, or saying, “Help me to understand why you are….[insert action].” Take care mama. Thanks, again for the comments.

      FullestMom
  • Jen G

    Great reminder! Something we all need to work on from time to time!

    Jen G
    • Post authorFullestMom

      Keyword = All 🙂

      FullestMom
  • Stacy

    This is such a good post! I tend to yell when I get overwhelmed, but I am not one to ask for help either. I really need to work on that!

    Stacy
    • Post authorFullestMom

      Let the little things count as help, too. Ask your child to, “help you with…” or, “help by letting you breath for a second.” Even if it’s something as simple of sipping water before you react, the pause and redirect can make all the difference. Remember, we ALL have done this. It’s time to talk and take a close look so together, as moms, we can find solutions.

      FullestMom
  • Meg

    Great read! It’s so hard to remember to stay calm, and even harder to ask for help. But this was a great reminder that a few small changes in thought can really improve your overall outcome

    Meg
    • Post authorFullestMom

      Thank you, Meg. Help was a hard one for us. Once we started, though, we saw every sprinkle of it. Help can even come from the kids. Just as you said, small changes, even a tiny pause during an activating event can make all the difference. Take care.

      FullestMom
  • Tiffany | shortsweetmom

    Love this! These tips are wonderful in reference to our kiddos and life in general. Learning to quiet during a stressful situation is a very important life skill. It will also show the kids a healthy way to deal with stress. It is a struggle some times but the pay off is worth it. And for the days that we forget or patience is running low, there is grace. Thank you for sharing this!

    Tiffany | shortsweetmom
    • Post authorFullestMom

      Amen for grace! It is something we hold dear and are so appreciative to have. I agree 100% about the long term payoff. Thanks for commenting, have a great day.

      FullestMom
  • Shann Eva

    I feel like all I’m doing is yelling, and this post was the perfect reminder that I need to work on that. Taking a breather to assess the situation is so necessary. I also find that I’m quick to jump to yelling when I’m trying to do too many things at the same time.

    Shann Eva
    • Post authorFullestMom

      No worries mama. Take it one thing at a time, and remember grace exists. I have used a set of phrases when I used to have activating events. I talk aloud to have only one thought at a time. ” I’m having a trigger. I am getting mad because… Even though I’m mad, I’m not mad enough to yell. I can solve this by… ” That microscopic pause was all that was needed to redirect my focus. I hope this post brought encouragement and together, all of us moms can share and show love. This post was not written because I’m an expert. This post was written because I need the support, too.

      FullestMom
  • Savannah

    Thinking before doing ANYTHING as a parent is sooo important. Of course, it’s hard, especially in the moment. But, your list of things you should ask yourself is spot. on.

    “Will yelling give a different result than if I talked in a normal tone?”
    This is it. It’s the perfect question. WHAT is the point in yelling? It just upsets you even more, upsets your kids, and just leaves you all feeling tense and more overwhelmed than you were.

    Definitely a lot to take away from this post. Thank you so much for sharing! <3

    Savannah
    • Post authorFullestMom

      You’re so welcome, Savannah. I’m glad we can discuss these things and support each other. Pausing and thinking make such a difference. Take care and thanks for commenting.

      FullestMom
  • Christine Em

    This is a great post! I found that yelling at my kids when they little achieved little, if nothing at all. That only resulted in more frustration. Using a different tone was certainly more effective 🙂

    Christine Em
    • Post authorFullestMom

      I agree. Yelling tends to confuse the situation more than it needs to be. So glad there is grace and open discussions for us to talk about it. Very glad you liked this post, and I thank you for commenting.

      FullestMom
  • Inez

    Becoming a yeller is something I worry about, just because I tend to get loud and excitable, so even if I am not intending to yell I get concerned that it will be interpreted that way. Which, I do not want. These are really great tips!

    Inez
    • Post authorFullestMom

      Thank you, Inez. By nature, I have a loud, monotone voice and my hands are everywhere. Grown ups got used to it, and understand me, but the littles can have a hard time. I think just the act of consciousness, can make a world of difference. I appreciate your comments and am very happy to have such a wonderful group of mothers that we can discuss these things with.

      FullestMom
  • Michael

    I think the advice here is the best to counter anger

    Michael
    • Post authorFullestMom

      Absolutely. Recognize when it’s happening and then redirect. Even a split second can make all the difference.

      FullestMom
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