Teaching your child not to fear, using assertion in their words
As far as I can remember, and as long as my middle child has known how to speak, she has been pretty straightforward. It got me questioning whether this was a good, or a bad, thing. Are there benefits to teaching a child not to fear while using assertion in their words? I mean, with no understatement… she is BOLD.
For example, she’ll say how it’s “not acceptable” for her younger sister to slobber while teething because it’s “yucky”. Or, she’ll tell me how she feels she deserves a snack. As fun as all her talk is, there are times (numerous times), when her expression goes against my liking. But, through it all, it is vital for me to continue teaching my child not to fear.
Because we need to think of the bigger picture, not just the immediate solution. Since I don’t like whining, I tend to have a low tolerance when her voice gets all squeaky. However, that doesn’t that mean she can’t talk. It’s my role as the parent to explain that her tone is not appropriate; but, by no means am I going to cut her delivery completely off. Instead, I’m going to calmly direct her to a more sustained vocal projection, that way she can communicate clearly and effectively.
By slowing down, looking at them face to face, and going to their level. Furthermore, I take many deep breaths. Again, look at the big picture. By showing your child how to speak calmly, yet assertively, they can actively take control of their emotions. Likewise, they can apply their skills for use with others outside their family. The desired end result should be clear in your mind and help you work through any activating events.
Before you yell at your child or aggressively tell them to hush, refer back to your lifelong goals for them. Pausing and remembering the long-term effects of allowing your child to speak up for themselves always does the trick for me.
When should you teach your child not to fear?
And, just so we’re clear, I’m not advocating having a child that has no reverence for authority or elders. I’m just explaining that it’s good to teach your child not to fear the art of effective communication. Even if you feel it’s never happened before, you can change that. A simple game of practice is all it takes.
For starters, I like to ask my child things like, “Do you want an orange or banana?” They’ll say, “Orange.” I’ll repeat back, “Ok, one banana coming up.” They’ll look and me and laugh. Then they’ll immediately correct me and I’ll end with the words, “You know what, you’re absolutely right. Thank you for kindly explaining to me the right thing.” It’s an easy confidence builder that can be done randomly; and, the underlying effects last forever.
In conclusion, I want to thank you.
Lastly, we want to close this article by saying it’s not easy to discuss child assertion. I thank you for reading all the to the end and keeping an open mind. With that being said, every family dynamic is different, and you must ultimately do what is most positive for yours. I’d love to hear your opinions on teaching your child not to fear, let me know in the comments below. If you’d like to read other mommy tips, click the link here. Lastly, I have a pretty nifty newsletter that you should sign up for, too.
As always, when your hands are full, live your life to the fullest.